kaizen
what's been floating my boat lately:
  • NF
  • family time

    • "How fortunate for governments that the people they administer don't think."
    -Hitler-
    "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
    -Albert Einstein-

    6/9/26 (15:03)

  • Went to Rasputin/Anastasia's the other day as part of Zoe's birthday. Got a bunch of used clothes, CDs, and DVDs all for about $75. Good score. Great day with the family. She's officially 13 now. Only 5 more years of days like that and after that I'll be lucky to have 1 or 2 a year. Hopefully they live near us after they go away for college or whatever.
  • If I tell a group of women that men are more selfish, less likely to participate in civic engagement, less likely to volunteer, less likely to have a good work-life balance, less likely to participate in parenting, etc. this group of women would likely cheer me on for telling the truth and taking men to task. However, if I pointed out that all those things have a trade off that allows them to spend more time at work (and thus get paid more), they would likely not be very happy with me anymore. If men are judged more on their earnings than looks, parenting, work-life balance, etc. doesn't it make sense that they would seek to optimize that?
  • The modern dialectic that this generation is learning is all about oppressor vs. oppressed. It's how they seem to be taught to understand everything in life. It's no wonder, then, that they are the more likely to be anti-Semitic than the older generations. They see Jews doing well all around them, they see Israel as having the military power and that's really all they need to know. Success proves that they are oppressors.
  • It's a nice way of viewing the world because it's very simple and applies across multiple situations. You don't need to know much - you just need to see who is on the losing end of things and you know what side to take. If there's a problem in society, just blame the "oppressor group" and you'll be right (according to the doctrine). Easy scapegoat.
  • On the political right they have different scapegoats. Their scapegoat lately is liberals and immigrants. Their view lately seems to be that everything was great before and it's all fucked up now.
  • I've heard from a few people lately that murdering Trump wouldn't be such a bad thing. This came after the most recent oddball assassination attempt. I had to explain to these people that, while you may not like him, there are several reasons why rooting for his murder is a really bad thing. So here it is in case you might be thinking the same thing:
  • High level:
  • You don't want to advocate for murder of any kind. Murder is bad all around. It's morally reprehensible.
  • You don't want to advocate for political murder. It's extremely destabilizing socially and politically. It will likely lead to more political murders and you likely won't like the results.
  • More specifically:
  • You don't want JD Vance as president. He's younger and smarter and could be worse in some ways that are yet to be seen.
  • You don't want Trump to be a generational martyr.
  • If you don't like yourself then just take a pill or get surgery. This is the American solution. Some people see that and understand what I'm saying and shake their head at how pathetic our society is. Some of those people, though, would defend someone born with a vagina (formerly called a female) who feels like a man (whatever that feels like) and taking pills so they can grow a mustache (sorta) and cut their breasts off. They also don't see anything incongruous with that indictment of a lazy and hopeless society on one hand, and the decision to do exactly the same thing over their gender expression (whatever that is) on the other hand. Strange society we're living in.
  • GLP-1s are taken by about 8% of Americans, apparently. We'll see what the long-term consequences of this is, but it's probably worth the tradeoff for the 40% of Americans who are obese (9% are severely obese).
  • What's the first word of your obituary going to be? Well, if you're a well known advocate for certain issues then it usually is something about your race, gender, etc. For example, there's a walk of fame type thing in the Castro district and they have plaques of various people who were activists of various kinds. Almost every one of them had the first word as: Arab or Gay or Trans or Lesbian, etc. So, it would say "Arab lesbian who fought for human rights, etc." or "Trans activist who helped change laws, etc." I only saw one of them that didn't adopt this structure. I'd like to think that if I was one of these people I would want it to be structured more like this: "staunch advocate for the rights of blah blah blah." Instead of "white man who favored vaginas over penises, who also did some things to help yada yada yada."
  • Actually, fuck it, I hearby declare that I want my tombstone to read "white man who preferred vagina over penis in the bedroom. Also had some kids and a business or whatever, but mostly you should be aware of the fact that he was white and liked vagina."
  • I asked Claude AI about toxic masculinity and here's what it came up with. I think it nailed it.
  • A few categories with examples:

    • **Emotional suppression**- "Men don't cry" / refusing to seek help for mental health- Bottling up pain until it explodes as anger
    **Dominance and control**- Needing to "win" every argument or situation- Controlling a partner's finances, friends, or movements
    **Aggression as default**- Responding to disrespect or embarrassment with violence- Road rage, bar fights — physical assertion of status
    **Sexual entitlement**- Treating women as conquests or objects rather than people- Pressuring partners, ignoring "no"
    **Homophobia / policing masculinity**- Bullying men who don't conform to tough-guy norms- "That's gay" as an insult — enforcing rigid gender performance
    **Providing/stoicism to a fault**- Refusing to admit financial struggle or ask for help- Working yourself to death rather than showing vulnerability
    **Bravado over safety**- Not wearing seatbelts, not going to the doctor, taking reckless risks to appear tough
    ---
    Worth noting: the term is specifically about *toxic* expressions of masculinity — not masculinity itself. The debate around the phrase is largely about whether it unfairly pathologizes normal male traits, which is why some prefer terms like **"male disposability"** or **"rigid gender roles"** to describe the same phenomena.
  • Then I asked it about toxic feminity, and I think it nailed it again.

    • Parallel structure to toxic masculinity — these are *toxic expressions* of femininity, not femininity itself:
    **Weaponized vulnerability**- Playing the victim to avoid accountability- Using tears or fragility to manipulate outcomes- "I can't believe you'd say that to me" as a deflection tactic
    **Indirect aggression**- Gossip, social exclusion, reputation destruction instead of direct confrontation- Mean Girls-style relational cruelty — freezing people out, whisper campaigns
    **Emotional manipulation**- Guilt-tripping, silent treatment, withholding affection as punishment- "Fine" / "nothing's wrong" — weaponized passivity
    **Competitive self-victimhood**- Who suffered more, who has it harder — suffering as social currency
    **Policing other women**- Shaming women who are "too sexual" or "not sexual enough"- Tearing down women who don't conform to feminine norms (internalized misogyny)
    **Devouring Mother** - Smothering love as control- Sacrificial martyrdom used as leverage — "everything I did for you"
    **Validation-seeking to a fault**- Identity entirely dependent on being needed, desired, or approved of
    ---
    It's a less culturally discussed concept than toxic masculinity, partly because these behaviors are often socially rewarded or invisible as "just how women are." The honest version of feminism tends to engage with it; the defensive version avoids it.


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