April 2000

4-30-00 (23:12)

KDVS is going to start archiving old shows. i think it'll be online in a couple weeks. it's going to be really really cool because then you can listen to any show at any time - all over the internet.

who am i living with next year? i have no idea. all of a sudden there is a big debate. there seems to be a need for a different situation. such a soap opera it's stupid.

everything in life is about finding and mastering the delicate balance. in basketball on defense you must defend the jumper and stay up on the man, but at the same time you have to defend against the drive, so you need to be back a little, but not too far back or they'll bust the jumper....in overhauling your headset (on a bike) you have to make it tight so that the wheel doesn't rock back and forth, but not too tight because otherwise the wheel will "index" too much. the same is true in life. one must sacrifice one's own wants, but only to a certain extent. we create political structures to insure that our interests will be looked after - we win some we lose some. so many choices, but it's impossible to have everyone win.

i struggled with myself on whether or not i should kill one of those huge bugs rumored to kill mosquitos. i've heard they do kill mosquitos, i've heard they don't. it was huge. was it really a nuisance? should i have let it live? does killing it make me any less of a person? will not killing it come back and haunt me later - for example, will i wake up one night choking on it's body? these are the kind of useless battles only retards and philosophical geniuses have. i'm somewhere in the middle i guess.

charles manson once wrote a song entitled "your home is where you're happy"...later the lemonheads covered the song...i'd say this is possibly applies to what we have here.

i forgot to eat dinner tonight.

i planned on doing four things tonight: watch a movie, eat dinner, do my homework, goto a construction site and check things out. i haven't done any of them.

i remember when i had two really really great friends and several other friends. sure all, except phil, were from the track team, but it rocked. now is a much different situation. it gets sad when you start thinking that your better days are behind you. ebb and flow, ebb and flow...

4-30-00 (19:47)

luke never updates his webpage these days. johnny's gotten better.

played basketball today after watching a thrilling game between sacramento and the lakers. behind the phoenix suns, sacramento is my favorite team. they're so fun to watch. i hate the lakers again. in my high school years i had started not to hate them...that didn't last too long.

i have some school work to do. that's very white.

it's funny how just when you think your housing situation is secure things start to fall apart. at this rate, living with a random person isn't out of the question.

i don't get very many e-mails these days. i get even fewer phone calls.

i really should just do my work now and get it out of the way.

vern and i made smoothies again today. they were damn good. it could be the new thing for me. first is was tacos, then there was a brief stint with mushroom burgers, then there was tacos again, then it was breakfast burritos for a long time, then fried rice, now it could be smoothies. with fried rice and smoothies i get away from the cheese fat. with smoothies i get away from oil and fat altogether. i'm using the same blender that we had in our house for about 20 years. i swear it's older than i am, but it still works fine.

4-30-00 (01:02)

updated movies list.

went to rei today to buy a lifer type of sleeping bag...one i can use anywhere for at least the next 10 years or so...found what appeared to be a nice durable, warm, mummy bag. got home and it rolled up to be about the size of my dick. in other words - waaaay too big to tote around while hiking and such. so i'll be returning it. the sleeping bag i have now is good (not a mummy) and works for most purposes like sleepovers, cold nights and such. but for the road i need a heavy duty synthetic fill one. one can spend upwards of 700 bucks on the really awesome ones.

also in terms of things i already have, but want to get the professional type - camera. i'm looking to get an oldie, but goodie, canon AE-1 or some such manual camera.

obviously the offroading trip has been cancelled. jon's rover quit today...good thing it happened in vacaville, not buttfuck CA.

4-29-00 (01:55)

went to a party today. saw scott's band play.

people can agree on principle but not policy. since we're going to waste money no matter what, i think we should waste it on education rather than 1,000 dollar toilets for the army.

we're going on the off-roading trip tomorrow.

i got paid wednesday, but i didn't know that till now. i'll pick up that check on monday i guess. first paycheck in about 5 months.

went bowling today, that was fun. got a haircut.

updated cd list.

4-28-00 (02:03)

april has come and almost gone seemingly fast, but not really. weird like that.

vern actually wrestled today. that's a first. go vern.

i got big time props today from someone at kdvs. he was telling me how some of my moves in basketball were really good, etc. it was cool. i finally have gotten respect up in that mug. it's about time. vern will be representing next week with me. we shall dominate, or something.

there is a plan in the brewing for a massive food fight. we'll see.

4-27-00 (18:01)

the other day i was looking through some pictures from the hubble space telescope...i found some pictures of dying stars, nebulas, the like. the next day on the front page of the NY Times there was a picture of one of the very same nebulas i was looking at. there was a story on the hubble space telescope. it was uncanny because it was the first time i had looked at the ny times in a long time and it was the first time i had gone to nasa.gov in even longer.

ditz of the day was this girl in the library who was writing an email to her mom. she wrote: dear mommy, i am coming in a minute. then she spell checked it...she actually had misspelled something. to end her email she started to write love crystal. she made sure to have the love crystal part on the right hand side, then she added love always, crystal, then she deleted that and started it over again until she ended up with love always your daughter, crystal. she spent quite a bit of time on this email which, in sum, said "be right there." i don't know if it was extremely sad or extremely inspiring....

i was meeting with some mates from my poli sci class to do a group project. the fact that we have weekly group projects is a tad high schoolish if you ask me. i'm not liking this teacher...i digress. a man came up to our table and asked if we were registered voters. they all had blank faces, either not knowing why he was asking or dreading the next question...i finally answered "of course we are" then i asked what petition he wanted signed. he said that it was one to make educational bills pass easier. of course i knew what he was talking about and requested the paper to sign. after further clarifying with my less astute poli sci majors they ended up all signing it. after he left i said something about having to do our part. one girl said she felt like a hypocrite. i thought it was kind of a sad situation that they didn't know about it, considering it was on the last list of ballot measures. of course it was denied because most of CA doesn't care enough about education.

friends who only come over when they need to use your oven or borrow your baseball mitt aren't friends anymore, even if they claim to be.

4-27-00 (01:48)

updated movies list.

i miss watching movies with my dad.

i was riding my bike on the wrong side of the road, as i always do, and some idiots in a car were driving toward me. i saw the driver cup his hand around his mouth about to say something and as i got closer i heard. 'ahhhicklyahhhhh' or something like that. all i could think about is how dumb he was. it's called the doppler effect bud - there's no way in hell i could understand anything he would have tried to say. physics is cool.

i was on campus for 11 hours. my poli sci classes taught by nina van dyke suck big nuts. so far i hate both classes she's teaching. that's the first time in college that i've really not liked the class...except maybe linguistics.

i replaced the bottom bracket on my bike today in under 30 mins by myself. that's hardcore. i've always liked doing things by myself...with my hands...ha ha ha.

i've been online for over 24 hours. guess what...no telemarketers have bugged me with in those 24 hours.

work rocked today. led zeppelin rocks more.

at work, i made patrons answer riddles in order to get their books. it added some spice to the normally boring transaction and it's a higher level of flirting. i think everyone is entitled one stroke (ha ha) of genius in their lifetime...that may have been mine.

fear is your only god. so so so true.

4-26-00 (02:17)

busy days eat the updates.

had bike class today, overhauled the bottom bracket. fun stuff. tomorrow i'll make a cheap upgrade which usually would cost a small fortune after the labor.

played mad (this means lots or much...) basketball with the kdvs people. it was fun. i was one of the better ones there which isn't surprising considering the kdvs populous (largely social rejects who have put on extra weight while surfing eBay in the basement we call Freeborn Hall)...at any rate it was fun and the first game was really close. the last two gaymes were white. these two tall white fuckers came and dominated the game, they were on the same team which made it suck even more. the best part of the game was that now a few of the kdvs people know i'm not vern. foot held up pretty well. hampered some of my playing. tweaked it slightly once, no big deal.

updated movies list. find a link yourself.

work wasn't too bad. tomorrow will be better.

tomorrow will be very long.

equality and freedom conflict big time. interesting. tired.

4-24-00 (23:58)

with the exception of karl marx all of my five homies died unnatural deaths. i hadn't really thought of that till now.

i might play more basketball, this time with the KDVS folk, tomorrow. i also have the bike class and 3 hours of work. yay, long day. wednesday is longer and less varied.

some think i should get drunk for my 21st birthday. i think i have less mind numbing plans. not having plans is less mind numbing. i don't think a stripper would be a good idea either. what kind of college man am i?

my movie goal is dying very quickly. woe is the movie goal.

i'm listening to "Russia's Most Beautiful Tunes" right now. it has a few tracks reminiscent of the tetris theme songs. i can't believe i spelled reminiscent right on the first try.

i'll be bowling on friday. i'll also be wearing my "let the fucking begin" t-shirt. it must be done.

beethoven is good. great. the best.

i'm not knowing what to write next. i wonder how many hours i've spent writing shit on this page. i wonder how many words i've typed on all the archives...damn lot. i looked at some of my oldest archives, have i always been such a dork? i need to get a life.

4-23-00 (23:54)

there is something about sports that really kicks ass. raw competition is something i really miss. i think people who never played sports definitely are missing something. there is something to it, something almost spiritual. really great stuff.

it'll reach 80 again this week, yip yip.

luke hasn't updated his webpage in a while, that's white.

pbs had more quality programming today. i think i've found my hobby. i seriously haven't been watching tv enough. when i get bored i usually sit in my room and think with the music on. so when i'm not at school or work i'm sitting, thinking and listening to music...well almost. i should fill some of my time with pbs viewing. it's not a cop out because it's pbs. i have found the answer to life.

banned from the end of the world, a good song....i could go on but it could get wicked crazy, man.

4-23-00 (18:00)

played some basketball today. i only tweaked the foot a bit on one play. it was only vern and i shooting around so it wasn't much.

woke up at almost 2pm today.

i don't ever want work to dominate my life.

more great pbs programming today. and the kings game, man they need a good coach really badly.

nothing really exceptional has happened today. i want to play some more basketball. listening to my new cds, they're mellow and round out the lower part of my collection nicely. hip-hop has been stagnant and so has jazz, i'll need to make some purchases in that direction fairly soon. i still have plenty of each genre to pick up.

i definitely don't miss the uncomfortable silences of relationships. ahhh, being single.

absence of proof isn't proof of absence.

i'm thinking of incorporating "white" into my vocab more often. for example:

person A: i just lost my job and my boyfriend dumped me.
person B: kill whitey
OR
person A: i wonder why there are so many potholes on the streets...
person B: damn white people
OR
person A: i'm thinking of living in the forest and choping down a bunch of trees, destroying the animals' homes, and buying a shotgun.
person B: please don't be so white.

this is amidst my increasing awareness that white people have screwed this world up pretty bad.

4-23-00 (04:00)

saw the greenhouse effect show again tonight. damn it rocks.

updated cdlist.

updated movies list.

updated mp3 list.

politics are so essential in this world. politics really interest me.

it's probably too late to say anything significant or significantly insignificant.

4-22-00 (22:22)

had 6 hours of work today. that was decent. then i came home, watched pi and went to sleep for 5 hours. that was stupid, but made me busy rather than idle.

i don't think it's true that the quality is better than quantity when it comes to friends. i think, rather, that you need both. it can be argued that i have up to 3 good friends in davis with which to do things. but if they all either have girlfriends or other friends to hang out with then it pretty much leaves me shit out of luck. therefore, having a few close friends isn't enough.

the census bureau gave me another call today. offered me a full time position doing clerical work. fuck.

found some really cool stuff on the internet about nukes, including a website that supposedly has a list of all the US nuclear weapon stores. it was a smaller list than i expected. the largest bomb they listed was something like 15MT too, so i really doubt that it was a full list. it also had information on a few submarines with nuclear capabilities. that seems to be where much of the power is at. one submarine had a combination of warheads which added up to over 800MT worth of explosives. the bomb that was dropped on hiroshima was 15KT. 1/1000th of a 15MT bomb. that's pretty crazy. the nagasaki bomb was 21KT. they named them too. something like little brother and big daddy...something along those lines.

i might take my poli sci 170 class on a pass/no pass basis because it's so freaking annoying. this is the first teacher who i'd say hasn't interested me (intellectually). there are times when she interests me in other ways, but that's probably messed up.

i completely revamped the mp3 list (doc version). it doesn't matter, but it was something to do.

i had some really good tacos today. i chose not to go next door and partake in their easter celebration.

i'm not sure with what weapons world war III will be fought with, but world war IV will be fought with sticks and stones. (sic) -albert einstein.

thomas pynchon is the author. i checked him out, i saw a bit of a connection.

i got a book from the reserves today called 'blaming the victims' or something like that. it's by this guy something Ryan. the first pages were good so i checked it out. because i work at the reserves i have graduate student privileges and i can check out books to myself. dope. at any rate it's a pretty cool book.

it's funny how some people will wonder how an electric bill can be so high - because you leave the lights on all the time. the same symptom applies to 'oh my god why are children killing themselves in schools?' maybe because their parents suck, there's no structure, no sense of community, etc.

when people see kids strolling along the sidewalk during school hours smoking crack or whatever, nine times out of ten people will just walk by or drive by and not say anything. in the good ole days people would crack the whip, whether those kids were theirs or not. when i see kids out during school and i'm biking along i usually ask why they're not in school. i remember one time when i was a young bastard, it was after school and we were walking along, one of us was smoking, all of us were looking quite cool (sarcasm). someone pulled along side us and asked if that was a cigarette. we said no, it was the fake kind. he reprimanded us and drove on. had 20 people done that i think it would have been better than if no one had done it. i honestly don't think we would have thought of ourselves as any cooler because people were stopping.

i'm not sure how valid an argument it is to say that by keeping weed illegal we increase use because people will do it just "to rebel." the thinking behind this argument is that by making it legal some people won't start it because it's not legal. 1) if that were true, then they'd probably start something else that was still illegal...something probably worse 2) i think more people would start because it is legal. by making something legal you alter the norms and people on the fence would probably give it a try. that's my take.

it's funny how people who have no clue what they're talking about when it comes to pot will say it's pretty much harmless, and can even help people. those people obviously never had a friend whose life was screwed because of that shit. or had a family which was destroyed by it.

i remember there was actually a bubble gum in the shape of a cigarette. it even had powdered sugar that would look like smoke when you blew on it. crazy stuff. i think they still have the gum that is shredded and in a pouch, just like chewing tobacco. odd.

should the majority rule all the time? i think any realistic and thinking person would say no to this. but we actually had someone trying to argue this in class the other day. if the majority always ruled then we'd still have slavery. well then you could rephrase the question - should the majority always rule, except when it infringes upon another's rights? still the answer is no.

two examples which explain much about group politics, that i always use are: dairy and tobacco. the dairy example is this - not too long ago dairy farmers weren't doing so great. so they went to the government and asked for more subsidies. the government raised some kind of tax specifically for milk. it translated into a few cents per a gallon. a huge difference for the farmers. a slight raise for millions of consumers. if there was a vote on this issue it probably would not have have passed. i think you can see how this is applicable. in the long term, though, it is to the advantage of society. if milk farmers go out of business there is a decrease in supply, an increase in price (more than the tax), and people are out of jobs. this brings up the problem of measuring intensity in any democracy. one person one vote isn't ideal, this case is evidence of that. i think most will agree that if 51% of the people think prop. 9999 should be passed, but their convictions are very weak on the subject and 49% of the people think prop. 9999 should not pass, and they feel extremely strongly on this, then 9999 should not pass. that is a different issue, though.

the second poli sci example that kicks ass is the tobacco one - it shows how with knowledge (scientific proof) an issue can be passed despite massive opposition. the tobacco industry had a strong hold on the political system for a long time. but as more and more knowledge was introduced and small groups and entrepreneurs fought the hold began to slip. eventually it has come to the point where we can now run commercial which state that the tobacco industry are murderers. cigarettes kill 1 in 3 people, etc. this might not seem significant unless you understand how powerful some groups can become in washington. this example has always inspired me because it shows that in politics one can change the set of norms. one can alter the balance of power. i wrote 12 or so pages on this in an essay a while back. it's really interesting stuff.

this has become a "why-chris-is-a-poli-sci-major update"

i was watching this enthralling (ha ha) show on pbs the other night on greenforest gases. it was great. pbs has some really excellent programming. i'm definitely pledging the next time i see them asking for money. at any rate, it was interesting to see some of the coal and oil industry leaders trying to deny that greenhouse gases emitted by their companies have had an adverse affect on the environment or have added to the 'greenhouse effect.' it reminded me of the tobacco industry...'i believe cigarettes are not addictive...i believe cigarettes are not harmful,' etc. this program will be played back 100 years from now and kids will just be amazed that these industries can actually say the environment will be better off with 3 times the CO2 we have now. there is actually a project that is testing this. they have a forest and they pump 3 times the CO2 there is in the air now, into the forest - to simulate conditions 100 years in the future. it's pretty cool stuff. the forests are growing 25% faster with the extra CO2 and the the coal industries are pointing to this as great news. but there is more info on absorption limits of CO2...it takes up to 100 years for the ocean to absorb the stuff....much much longer than most pollutants. so they think there are definite limits in regards to how much CO2 the world can absorb safely. of course there is the problem of us cutting down all the fucking trees which doesn't help absorb the increasing amounts of CO2.

the really neat stuff was when they debated about whether the climate is really changing or not. because our climate records only go back about 100 years it's harder to make a valid case. 100 years ain't shit on the world's clock. so how do they find out if the temperature is really rising? monks up to 500 years ago kept a detailed account of the weather...based on when the lakes froze over and when they thawed out, when the cherry blossoms bloomed and how much...all these things put together from all over the world got an accurate record of climate up to 500 years back...amazing, but not enough. so then they went to the arctic and looked at a cross section of ice from canada and all over the place. the cross section showed how much the ice melted in the spring, etc. so they looked at those layers, that was really neat. then since they need to check all over the world they got cross sections of trees. the layers are different thickness' depending on precipitation, weather, and climate. then they did the same on coral reefs in the ocean. based on the thickness of each layer they could tell what the climate had been up to 1000+ years ago. it was amazing how much detective work they did. they graphed the data and noticed that ever since the industrial revolution (remember my denouncing it so many times?!)...the climate has been getting steadily warmer, esp. in the 1990s there has been a big peak in temperature.

so does this have anything to do with the levels of CO2? they check the same cross sections and did analysis on the CO2 levels and showed that the levels of CO2 have also been increasing since the IR. there was a guy who did a study in hawaii that showed that CO2 travels all over the world, rather than staying in one place. so if you drive your car today, they said, the exhaust will end up in Antarctica within a year. crazy crazy stuff. it was a great great show.

that's all.

4-21-00 (21:21)

my dad says i write a lot like a certain author, thomas something.

i got some good veggies today. made some guacamole. yum. accented the tacos quite nicely.

"One of the greatest casualties of the war in Vietnam is the Great Society ... shot down on the battlefield of Vietnam." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

weird how this poll has already gotten 7 votes (one being mine). 5 out of 7 like FDR the most. i'm sure one of those is from my super smart grandmother.

i was watching 'who wants to be dirty rotten stinking filthy rich' the other night. i mean 'who wants to be a millionaire'...and i thought who i would call up if i needed a question answered (in case you don't know about the show - if you are stumped by one of the questions you can place a call to one of your friends or family and ask them if they know the answer - it's called a 'lifeline') at any rate, i would probably only need two people to choose from in order to cover just about any general knowledge question they could ask - my grandmother and my dad.

it was actually pretty cool because one time there was a kindly fellow who was at the last question (1 million bucks) and had his one lifeline remaining (to call a friend or family member) after the question was asked he decided to use his lifeline because he, to our knowledge, did not know the answer to the question. he decided to call his dad hoping he might know it. when he was connected he said "dad i actually don't need your help, i just wanted to let you know that i'm going to win a million dollars" then he turns to regis' bleached teeth and says - "the answer is B, that's my final answer"...he won.

i burped and it tasted like guacamole, yum.

i wonder about myself.

i have work tomorrow

4-20-00 (22:50)

i want to write a lot here, but i can't because i'll scare off my audience.

at 19:05:40 the weather was perfect, in every sense of the word.

i'm definitely not suited for any type of deep relationship with a normal person. it's just a fact.

johnny explained to me why atomic bombs which explode in the air do more damage. interesting. humans are dumb. white people are the worst. i like monkeys more. i once asked a friend what the best thing in the world was. he said people, i said music. he was wrong. without people there wouldn't be music, right? what's the worst thing in the world then? people.

i went to safeway today to buy things i didn't need. before i got in a guy asked me to sign a petition. we talked for a brief moment about what the petition was for. i read it over then signed it. as i was signing it he asked another guy if he was registered, the guy said yes, then the petition guy said would you like to sign this piece of shit? the guy just kept on walking. i finished signing the shit and gave it back to the guy while saying that's the problem these days, people don't care. he chuckled and i walked on. 10 minutes later i come out of safeway and he comes up to me and asks would you like to sign this petition. i said you got me already. he said oh. fuck this world.

the thing with me is that something like that actually affects me. it's really strange. sometimes i'm quite callous. but most of the time i'm overly sensitive.

i guess i'm watching pi today. i saw it about 3 times over the winter break, i'd kinda like to see something new. but my girlfriend will give me a hard time if i back out of it. oops, i mean roommate.

i want a lobotomy. life is a lot easier and more fun when you're not thinking. fact.

4-20-00 (17:38)

my life would really suck if i didn't have any music. "in utero" is the second best nirvana album.

got my tax return. uhm that helps just a bit. i spent it all in one day on debts. yay.

the relationship game is utterly retarded. as a species which is supposed to have been around millions of years we sure haven't come very far. we are still very illogical. we still kill other people. and we still play games and call it courting. retarded. i prefer being knocked over the head and dragged to some chick's cave. what an absolutely dumb world. dumb in so many ways.

i think i believe in fate, to a certain degree.

the census bureau has offered me the job. they called about 10 times in the last few days. too bad i already have a job. if i didn't i could start making like 11+ bucks an hour. oh well.

i have a new poll.

4-19-00 (23:46)

on campus from 12-11pm...work went quickly. hot chicks asking for books helps.

ELO is big time.

i should go to sleep because it's been a long day.

i read a couple pages out of a textbook today. leaps and bounds.

it's so tempting to buy a bunch of music online and not worry about it. damn that would be cool.

is man a social animal? that's what aristotle said. i don't know if i buy it. at least in my case. i wasn't ever really a social person. i may have moments, but my one-on-one skills are lacking. hi. what's your major. what year are you. oh, cool. uhhhhhh....

we need to stop spoiling babies...you need to walk by the time your one week old...i hereby declare.

i wouldn't know how to go about getting a girlfriend.

i want more music books. it's easier to jump into a music book than a poli sci book. history books usually aren't user friendly. and that about sums up my big interests. i guess a movie book would be cool, but it seems those would be harder to write and put together well. i could be talking out of my ass.

i heard some "hip-hop" station while i was on campus today. it was the worst attempt at artistry i've ever experienced.

i picked up a book while working today...that's one really cool thing about working at the library...books are all around, many of them suck, but there are plenty of great ones. this one was about nuclear war. shit man, it's a really good thing we didn't get bombed. a 5psi load (which isn't very much) does a shitload of damage to an average home or apartment building...a 1MT bomb, dropped 15-20 miles from your house would yield a 5psi load. that's only a 1MT bomb... and this assumes it's dropped on the ground rather than exploding in the air. not sure why they would do that...i didn't get that far. this doesn't even go into the radiation...jeez. a 100MT (megaton) bomb...oh and they have bigger ones i'll assure you...will creat a crater that is 2.1km wide. holy shit. the fireball, just the fireball will be 5.2km wide. 5km is 3.12 miles. shit shit shit. there will be heavy damage within 23km...that's a lot friends. then there's the moderate and light damage. oh and the wind which is traveling over 2000mph will do quite well to carry the radiation even further. the following is for a 20MT bomb...far less than the explosion info from above...a 20 MT bomb goes off up to 120km from where you live then you have about 2 hours before nuclear fallout hits yo ass. when it does you're blood cells are going to start dying. you have a good chance of dying. you'll definitely be puking for a while. if you're really lucky then you'll lose your hair, get skin spots, and be out of commission for 40 days. lucky guy. if you're any closer you'll probably die within 30 hours...a slow, painful, shitty death.

so that's what i learned today. tomorrow maybe i'll choose something less grim.

i didn't get shit for email today.

4-19-00 (02:55)

there's a book in the library called "who is hiring who"...obviously no one is hiring english majors. to my knowledge it should be 'who is hiring whom'

watched two movies today.

i'm tired and have to wake up at 11am tomorrow. updated my schedule to reflect work...not sure if i already said that.

my bike class today pretty much kicked ass. i disassembled the headset assembly, degreased it, regreased it, and reassembled it. dope.

moby is pretty cool for chill music.

i should go to sleep.

check this out.

updated movies list.

4-17-00 (22:25)

i wish i was like you - easily amused.

everything good is borrowed, everything great is stolen.

i revised the fallen homies list...you'll notice Che isn't on the list anymore, but Kurt Cobain is.

Malcolm X     Feb 21, 1965
Karl Marx      Mar 14, 1883
MLK              April 4, 1968
Kurt Cobain   April 5, 1994
Tupac             Sept 13, 1996

i wish that i could fit in like everyone else. i really wish i could just sellout and become a social being. i have moments where i'm able to do this, but for the most part i'm different from other people in ways that prevent me from really being a part of whatever it is people are a part of.

i also wish that i didn't know about how fucked up this world is. things would be a lot easier that way. or maybe if i didn't care it would be easier too. i think prozac would help me not think about that stuff, but i'm not sure. i know a 'relaxing' beer when i got home would do it for me. this is too depressing to talk about here.

it's funny because one doesn't usually get depressed when one is busy. so when one is depressed and inactive people usually say something like 'get out there and do something'...run, workout, watch a movie, etc. hmmm, great advice on the surface. but it's interesting because in essence one would be running away from the truth by 'going out and doing something.' i think being popular hurts your chances of thinking about things that matter. there are also two levels of thinking about such things. there is the surface level where one looks at his environment and sees that shit is falling apart. people all over are dying, starving, killing each other, etc. the surface thinker sees this. the deeper thinker sees this, knows this, and feels this. i'd say that spending time alone, just thinking about this, makes one more apt to be the latter. this is not to say that either the surface or the deep thinker must be popular or alone, but one's environment surely plays a part. of course there is the problem of using the word 'popular'...in this case i would extend it to mean, simply, busy. busy to the extent that it prevents one from thinking long and hard on such subjects.

long and hard.

there is a big difference between knowing something and feeling it. just like in 'white men can't jump'..."you can listen to jimi, but you can't HEAR jimi..." there is a difference.

i've never liked noise. when i close the door you will find that i rarely slam it closed. the same applies to cupboard doors. when throwing away glass bottles into the recycle bin i cringe as the glass bottles crash together. most people don't give a shit and just slam the bottles onto each other. what a freak.

girlfriends are like drugs in so many ways, but i guess they're better.

4-17-00 (19:00)

today sucked. rain is super gay.

someone called me the other day and asked me a bunch of poll questions. it was interesting because we're learning about different polling techniques, etc. in poli sci. the questions mostly revolved around local politics. i didn't tell her to fuck off like i might normally do to a telemarketer type.

i think my check book may be really really wrong. very very odd.

people are stupid. people are strange. i don't like people in general. i have very little faith in people.

i'm a man divided.

4-17-00 (00:30)

kdvs fundraiser is over. i was there to see it end. we ended up reaching our goal. we made $35,643.12...that's pretty crazy.

sundays are extremely gay.

car had some trouble today, don't bother asking.

updated movies list.

i'm over 400 cds now. whoop whoop.

today was so damn boring.

i exaggerate everything that happens. i don't vocalize my exaggeration, but i pump things up in my head a lot. that's bad.

i was typing out the word "good" earlier today and instead i typed "doog"....is that bad?

4-15-00 (22:03)

today was picnic day. luke and his girlfriend came up so that was cool, they're gone now.

it was kinda gloomy outside which sucks. i picked up my music from kdvs from the pledges i made so i'm listening to that now. i picked stuff i'd never heard of so it's a gamble.

other than that nothing really exciting happened today.

the new winamp is out, yay.

phil won't be able to scan the pictures so getting them online is going to take a while longer. hitchhiking pictures i mean.

i'm fairly bored right now. kinda tired too. i'll check the mail.

4-15-00 (01:34)

updated movies list.

kdvs rocks big time. it's nice being part of something that isn't easy, spoon fed crap. jeff wigand probably felt the same way and i think the movie did a great job of showing that. i watched insider again.

yes today was weird. arla, friendly safeway cashier, is very cool. too bad she's 30 something and married or else i might....

i bought some deodorant today and some food. i got the old skool brut brand stuff. reminds me of the old days. that's that.

i'm thirsty.

4-14-00 (5:58)

i wonder how many people read the updates starting with the most recent, rather than going to the last update they read and then scrolling up in chronological order....one can only wonder

beatles are close to led zeppelin, i guess that poll sucks it though.

today started out really shitily. guess that's not a word, don't care. i had some really intricate, detailed, and long dreams which made the night go slowly, that was nice. the dreams were kinda sucky. they all had something to do with my dad.

then i take my bike to work. i got busted for riding on the wrong side of the road. extremely gay. i was made a public spectacle. it was fun. so that's two tickets in about a month. fuck the law.

work wasn't bad. my fantasy basketball is moving along, i'm finally in second place. you care.

then came the kdvs fundraiser. everyone who was up here and cared called in. including a couple girls i solicited (for sex) earlier in the week. that was nice. Doc even pledged. i would have been surprised to make 400 in the two hours...for the following reasons...i don't think we have a massive following. we follow a spanish rock program. we have two genres of music and give each one hour each...they're jazz and independent rock so they're pretty different. but we came through in a big way. we made 580 bucks without pledging any money on our own show like some djs do. i was kidding about the soliciting for sex part, i usually don't do that.

so the beginining of the day sucked big time and it got better from there. i was really surprised that we got so many people pledging.

our jazz set rocked the house in everyway possible. as soon as i played gil scott-heron the phones all rang, that was pretty nice. then the indie rock followed through with more energy and some epic tracks. i got most of it on tape so that's nice as well.

i was planning on watching magnolia with marina, but she was going to see it with another friend of her's so i decided not to. then, of course, i got an e-mail saying her friend ditched her and i should meet her there. such is life. the movie just started.

early metallica tracks were composed really well. that's all on that.

i'm hungry.

i haven't used my checking account in almost two weeks. i wish the debt records were erased...watch fight club.

i guess the nfl draft is coming soon. those were the days. i'd wake up and the draft would be on tv, my dad would be watching it and

4-14-00 (01:43)

highlight of the day was my dad calling. that was quite the surprise. he thought the hitchhiking trip kicked ass, i'd have to agree. i talk to my parents less than anyone else i know.

spending money and buying things is the easiest way to feel like you are bettering yourself. once you have everything you wanted, though, you realize that buying stuff isn't really long term happiness. f.r.c.

i lost my notebook a couple days ago and realized it today...shows you how much i study...when i returned to the classroom it was still there, two days later. that's pretty cool.

it looks as though i might be changing my homepage address again because xoom sucks so much.

my 300 movie goal is sucking. no one else rents movies and it's not like i want to watch the same 20 or so movies that i own.

i think i'm a good voter.

stacy broke up with her boyfriend (Otter Quaking Aspen is his name) from boston...saw that one coming for the last 6 months.

here is some really screwed up shit...listen and learn what true love is.

i've woken up at 11am everyday this week. that's the most consistent schedule i've had in years, literally.

when i sellout, which i will, it'll be pretty shitty having to wake up everyday at 8am. oh well, such is life. i can't wait to grow up.

foot is to the point where i can jog, but i can't really cut very well. lateral movement is limited. swelling is still there.

savoy brown is good.

life is pretty dumb, but it's worth doing it for 60 years or so. kill me when i can't walk anymore.

i once had a computer that crashed. then i threw it outside and beat the shit out of it.

i'd like to rule the world...give me one term of 50 years...i'll straighten things out. yea right.

the regular price for cds sucks. since i made my gas price prediction the price for gas at the closest gas station went down 9cents...not 11 like i thought. and it's really only at a couple stations that it's fallen so much. weird. i've gotten like 30 bucks worth of gas in the last week...jon's party in new york was one reason. did i say new york? well it wasn't quite that far away.

i wonder if someone else started writing these updates for me if anyone notice a difference...that is to question whether i have a distinctive enough 'style.'

my room is messy and i don't care too much. my car is messy too. maybe i'll change the oil sometime next week. i guess that doesn't have anything to do with the interior. are you actually reading this crap? why?

i carry on lots of conversations in my head. it's a good way of thinking i have friends or something. it also makes me question whether i actually had the conversation or not.

reality is really dumb.

i can't wait till they have drugs and shock treatment (not literally shock treatment, more just some kind of electrical treatment) which will change the way everyone thinks. after all it's all just chemicals and electrical impulses that determine what we think or do...weird to think that tiny bits of electricity are making my brain operate my fingers and such...i think it's cool that my car blows up in a metal case called an engine which rotates the rocker arms...wheels spin...car moves.

of the last three times i've been to work, i've gotten ink on my clothes twice. today was the worst. i picked up a book and brought it near my stomach to open it up and stamp it. after doing so i looked down and saw my shirt had a long blue pen mark on it...reaching down to my shorts even. it happens that the book had a pen in it as a bookmark...the pen was open and poking out, towards me.

i can't remember ever buying a pen. i know i bought a pencil once.

rational people don't vote. rational people probably don't try to fall in love either. i thought man was supposed to be some really logical being.

i remember now what one of the cool things that happened today was...i was sitting at a table outside the MU cafeteria type place. i was with 3 other losers who were supposed to be collaborating with me on something related to school. some chick came outside and started cleaning up the tables she had a pretty bad job ahead because all the table were trashed like never before. bottles, trays, and such all over the place. while cleaning the crap up a friend of hers came up and they began to talk. she started going off about how "people are pigs...people are such animals...we're so dirty..." etc. it was great. my loser classmates laughed at her. at any rate she's going off about how people are such losers and her friend is just listening and then a cell phone rings. he looks at her and then answers the phone. their conversation ends and he goes on to get brain cancer. poetic justice.

the best part about run lola run was when she would pass someone on the street or such and then it would focus in on the person she passed and the text 'and then...' would pop up...from there it would do a montage of pictures which document the rest of that person's life. ranging from winning the lottery or dying a violent death. i want to do something like that.

so two people are talking and one interrupts the socially aware conversation to answer his fucking cell phone. (in german) "und then...." a picture of him talking with another girl, she's beautiful, but angry, she's wearing her favorite gap khaki shorts and a calvin klein tank top. her jaws are clenched and he is emotionless. new picture, he's getting it on with another chick. his head is tilted up, eyes half open, mouth gaping, wow he's cool. next picture, he's rolling key low G style, one arm on the wheel of his explorer, the other holding a cell phone to his ear, his oakley sunglasses complete his ensemble, he's smiling. playboy bunny ears hang from his rear view mirror. next picture, he kisses his bride, he's wearing a smashing tux and her veil is pulled over her head. next picture, five o'clock shadow reigns prominently over his face, he sits in his favorite chair, beer in hand, looking at his 51" panasonic flat TV. kids at his feet, one looking longingly at him, the other transfixed by the television. colored building blocks litter the floor. in the background is the wife, adorned by her other wedding gown - the apron. next picture, she's crouched in the corner by the door, he hovers over her, shirtless. the plaque above the door reads 'home sweet home.' next picture, his head through the explorer's windshield, a cell phone covered in brains lies on the dash. under his car, lies his daughter's bike. next picture, a block away from the accident, his wife pregnant wife is playing peek-a-boo with little davie.

someone died today. someone was born today. which is worse?

when i was young i remember i had head spasms more often than i would have liked. wonder if it did any long term damage.

4-14-00 (00:09)

this week has been up and down. the kdvs fundraiser is moving along. tomorrow is our show so that's gonna possibly suck.

my first day at work was decent. yay.

i think some cool stuff happened today but i forget what it was.

the xoom server has sucked my fucking dick. fuck fuck fuck. forget this shit.

4-12-00 (21:27)

work today was gay. that's that.

i updated my schedule because i finally got my work hours.

i'm really busy right now so i don't have anything to write about. this is your run of the mill bs update.

one cool thing that happened today was in my last class. there are two chalkboards...the side one is rarely used. on it there are announcements and such from frats, clubs, etc. today it read "the student's eyes don't perceive the lies"...of course only about 1 in fifty people would recognize it and even fewer would be able to cite it's exact origin...i'm one of those. it's from the rage against the machine song "take the power back"...it was pretty nifty to see someone write it on the board. i wouldn't have chosen that particular quote had i written one up, but i'm down. next week i might write a better one up and see if anyone says anything about it. i'm thinking "for all the diamonds they'll use a pair of clubs to beat the spades"...we'll see.

that's all

4-11-00 (19:05)

work didn't suck today. i actually have started to get a hang of this minimum wage job.

i have to work at kdvs from 12-3am tonight and the next night, that should be fun. if i'm really lucky they'll have some pizza left. dubious though.

democratic political theory was really interesting today.

picnic day is on saturday, can't wait.

kurt cobain rocks.

insert witty phrase here.

updated movies list.

people haven't really answered this poll question as much...probably because it's at the bottom instead of the top.

4-10-00 (18:19)

i got the pictures from the trip developed. you don't want to know how much it cost to get developed. obviously i won't be trusting vern when it comes to where i should get my film developed. good lord.

at any rate, i might get them online one of these days, hopefully i will.

screwed up at kdvs by missing my shift for the fundraiser. i suck and i'm not organizized. spelling is purposeful. watch taxi driver kids.

class wasn't anything spectacular. i learned some stuff i guess.

the pictures really are epic. i'll have to get them up. maybe phil can scan them.

not anything to write.

4-10-00 (00:55)

Gil Scott-Heron - The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.mp3...this is your LAST chance to get a great song...

the other day a friend asked how often i cry and what i cry about. one thing i cry about a lot is how fucked this world is. after watching a movie that makes me think about it or listening to music that points it out, etc. this world sucks. not just davis, not just inner cities, not just the u.s., the whole world.

i like non-fiction books a lot more than fiction. i've seen a lot more crappy fiction films than crappy documentary films. aka don bonus, roger and me, and hoop dreams are the first documentaries that pop into my head.

i just went cruising (incidentally the bug started up on the first crank) around davis. i was looking for a homeless person who i might feed. i didn't find any.

i did lose my parking space. next door there are five people and five cars. upstairs there is (officially) one person and two cars. obviously a minor problem.

one cd away from 400. updated cdlist.

updated movies list. michael moore officially rocks....as if the rage video wasn't enough evidence.

i love tupac.

when i turn 21 i'm going to buy 5 bottles of booze and save them to pour out for the following fallen homies:

Malcolm X       Feb 21, 1965
Karl Marx        Mar 14, 1883
MLK                April 4, 1968
Tupac               Sept 13, 1996
Che                  October 9, 1967

fuck that green jesus.

money doesn't concern me very much lately. sure it can be a reason not to go to a movie or eat out, but i don't really worry about getting money for later. worst comes to worst i liquidate all my assets (except music related items), buy a van and live there. fine by me.

if we are the united states of america then we're americans. not to say people from mexico can't also claim to be american, but there is nothing else we can call ourselves, but that's only after you actually think about it. europeans call us american, not just us. it's not us being self-centered. calling your country "great" is having more of an ego, in my opinion.

i'm tired. ooooh, double entendre.

for as bad as my foot looked and felt that first night, it's amazing that it has healed so quickly.

4-9-00 (22:05)

training at work today made me feel retarded.

4-9-00 (17:32)

why are sports exciting? if you ask that question then you obviously haven't ever seen jason williams play. you didn't see the 3 pt. shot by tim hardaway with .2 second left on the clock to beat the Knicks. you've never seen joe montana play. good lord sports rock.

jason williams is one of the top five most exciting basketball players i've ever seen. even when he screws up it's fun to watch. just saving a ball from going out of bounds he'll make a behind the back pass. he's amazing.

4-9-00 (14:46)

jon's party wasn't too wild. food was really good. stayed at a four star hotel. watched fight club. a black woman and a middle eastern guy served us...that was a bit gay.

came away with plenty of soap and shampoo.

xoom server has sucked lately. not my fault.

i have more training tonight and then again on tuesday.

computers are dumb and so are people.

the bug ran relatively well. i want to throw money at the bug because it deserves it.

4-8-00 (02:09)

tomorrow is jon's big birthday bash so i'll be putting some mileage on the car. kinda sucks in that respect.

show was stressful, but i probably did it to myself.

rather than haggling with myself or people my age i will appeal to the older, wiser population. to all old people: in regards to drinking and/or drugs what is the best stance to take...try some just to have fun and hope it doesn't get out of hand, stay away from it altogether, get really into it and clean up the mess later, or other...this is a short essay answer. i ask you because i know where i stand and i know where my peers stand, but the fact of the matter is that we're not wise enough when it comes to this stuff so i leave the question to you.

had a nice long chat about film, music, crazy christians, etc. that was fun.

the clipboard i got from jon not too long ago was one of the best impromtu presents i've gotten. i've NEVER owned a clipboard, now i do.

foot is doing a lot better.

i'm tired

4-7-00 (01:58)

as humans we are very conditioned. we see shit on the floor and we say 'oh gross' we see violence and we cringe or say it's bad. it's not always a bad thing, but it's definitely there.

if there are 15 people in a society and they get 300K a year in income to assign however they decide what will happen? well if they employ a system of democracy then there are innumerable possibilities. one likely one is that 8 of the 15 (a majority - remember majority rules) will vote to have the money themselves which would leave the other 7 shit out of luck and the 8 will have all the money and since this is (of course!?) a capitalist society they will thus have all the power. what happens if the minority 7 bribe one of the eight...then another faction will have formed...it's all politics. of course they could vote to divide it evenly, but everyone is self interested and any majority rules so each will fear other factions forming. either fear or self-interestedness will lead to 7 people being screwed over. when these seven people are screwed over they won't have any faith in the new form of government...after all it doesn't work for them. it's amazing democracy works especially with a capitalist mentality/economy. it's sad that an economic system translates into a mentality. capitalism gradually leads to a bipolarization in the income distribution. the rich get richer and the poor - poorer. if you can't figure this out by looking at the world then maybe you should read or maybe even just watch the latest rage against the machine video...the top 10% of the nation own 80% of all wealth. the top 1% own 40% of all wealth...this said since market economies and democracy go hand in hand it should follow that eventually this underprivileged majority will wake up and, in the spirit of true democracy, have a revolution. now in the meantime revolutionaries who crack into the system...like FDR or...uhm...uh...well maybe LBJ was planning on doing it...at any rate, people like this will redistributed income as best as they can...social welfare programs, programs for the arts, etc. despite what you see on tv the majority of real artists (not puff daddy and john grisham) are not in the upper 10% of the nation. if not for FDR we may very well be on the verge of a revolution. i can only wonder how much longer people will accept the DOW as a measure of the nation's well-being. in case you have any doubts...the gap between rich and poor is growing...substantially.

updated movies list.

the world can be such a piece of shit. i really think that things, whether they will or not, should change in a major way. the very term conservative implies the opposite of forward thinking. in something as changing and volatile as society how can anyone perscribe to an ideology that advocates stagnation. we need forward movement in our thoughts...politically, socially, and economically. conservatism may work in an agraian society, but we're about 200 years past that now. i hate industrialization, but we can't hide in our shells hoping that leaving things alone will help. adapt, be liberal, change the system. institute social programs, social welfare, expand education, redistribute income, etc. and godfuck republicans.

i'm tired, i have the second part of training tomorrow, and the show and a little encounter with a friend. next week on friday (4-13-00) between 3-4:30pm you should call (530)752-0728 and pledge money to KDVS. support vern and i. support alternative, free form, non-commercial radio. support a public radio station that plays jazz, independent rock, country, classical, hip-hop, rap, techno of all sorts, folk, blues, avant-garde, world music, industrial, noise, punk, metal, etc. so many genres i don't even know why i tried to start listing them. we play it all, we broadcast on the internet, we don't run ads from disney, nike, coke, gm, nokia, air touch, intel, microsoft or anyone else for that matter. we don't have commercials...hence the title - non-commercial radio. don't let the system capture your voice. be heard.

godfuck this world.

i'm not depressed, just aware.

4-5-00 (21:03)

was biking back from class today and some guy pointed at me while he was coming out of avalon...just pointed and kinda pumped his fist once toward me. it was weird. then i realized that he must have been looking at my shirt. rage against the machine. fear is your only god. obviously he knows what's up.

mondays and wednesdays are going to be really long. 6 hours of class is kinda gay. this quarter feels a lot like high school. during high school going back to school was a drag. it was an actual end to break...up until this quarter i've never really felt like going back to school was an actual ending to being on a break. it's weird like that. i think the long mondays and wednesdays are to blame.

i woke up an hour early today because i set my clock an hour ahead. that is, the clock read 11am, but it was really 10am. i stayed up and got stuff done. hair cut. signed up for the bike class. and talked to my new boss about training. good recovery after the first impression of 'hey i'm working for you today and i'm coming in here with a broken foot. good luck getting me to start work - ever!' so i start training tomorrow. 10 am.

over under sideways down - yardbirds own.

i was tired, now i'm not.

i can actually fake walking. in a couple days i'll be able to walk for real, without pain. damn i'd have to say that i'm really proud of my body's ability to recover.

i'm going to start pointing out stuff that the government does well. i think the census bureau, for the mass of job they have, has done a really great job so far. their campaign seems really well planned out. everyone and their mother has seen the commercials and everyone and their dog has heard of the jobs they're offering. good going guys.

luke had a good one on his page the other day...he said something like 'i got into two things no one else thought i would - uc berkeley and jenny.' go luke.

el condor pasa (if i could) is one damn awesome song. my mom did a good job of making some of my musical tastes quite a bit on the woose side. peter, paul, and mary, simon and garfunkel, carpenters, etc. i'm down with it though. i'd rather be a hammer than a nail...i'd rather be a forest than a street.

okay xoom sucks nut so bookmark the mirror site...back on geocities...i updated it almost as much and it's far more reliable.

updated mp3 list.

4-4-00 (23:53)

got a funny, but surprisingly good, cover of eazy-e's 'boyz in tha hood'...it's done by some white guy with an acoustic guitar, if you can believe that.

i'd like to buy a shit load of music. i'd really like that.

4-4-00 (17:56)

got four cds today, only one is a full length...the rest are singles. i updated the cd list.

good thing is that the new rage against the machine video is on the first half of the 2 cd single set...so i got to see the full version of that. it really rocks.

the moby single has a remix by beastie boys michael diamond so i had to get that. and the last cd i got was the latest air album.

it's amazing how fucked up my foot was two days ago. i could get up. couldn't put any pressure on it. now i can almost walk on it. one reason is that i've been favoring it so much and i've only been on it a total of 1.5 hours.

1.5 hours when read sounds gay, but writing out one and a half hours takes too damn long.

so i have three moby singles from the same album...funny.

peace.

4-4-00 (02:06)

updated movies list.

the world offers such a contrast of ugliness and beauty.

changing who you are is hard.

i'm going to sign up for the experimental college bike maintenance class tomorrow.

spelling is not my forte. in fact i think i suck at it.

i can't wait to start making money. went into work to sign some papers and i felt like such a gimp. what a first impression...hi ms. supervisor...this is my first official day of work and i can't walk...you can count on me!

i think my foot rocks so much. i anticipate a quick recovery...i'll over-favor it whenever i have to walk just to make sure, but it's leagues better than it was last night. last night after i had it elevated for a long time i got up to make some dinner and as soon as the blood started rushing into the foot it felt like a real bitch. like one of those really mean bitches who just won't shut up.

i love women, don't worry. i love women very often in fact. har har. my words are so different from my actions it's quite the mystery. is the pituitary gland on the same side of the brain that controls speech? if so i'm assuming it would be the opposite side as the part that controls actions. sometimes i really think that if i was studied i'd be found to be some kind of medical anomaly. maybe i'm just being self-centered.

if i was a god loving type then right now i'd be thanking god that this injury wasn't as severe as possible. i'd also be thanking jesus, my savior, that i was given the opportunity to feel what it's like to be injured so i may learn to be more sympathetic of injured people in the future. at what point do you stop thanking god? how about when your people are far and away the most underprivileged in the world...earning less than 100 bucks a year in a third world country ruled by chaos, facist government, disease, and the struggle to convert to a market economy which breeds even more competition in an already cut throat environment...no i'd probably thank him then too, because at least i'm not dead...or am i?...or maybe really being dead would be better?!

i just pulled a thom yorke, noam chomsky, zach de la rocha, che guevara, malcolm x, chuck d, et al.

rustle, rustle, crumple. fart. pause. fart. "ahhhh" - vern in peak performance during trip de la hitchhiking.

i think my grandmother called tonight. man i was so out of it. it's really strange how you go on autopilot when you're awoken from a rest.

i shall be taking a rest soon. this update consumed 22 minutes of beautiful opportunity.

4-3-00 (21:22)

well it's been ten hours since i took the drugs the doctor gave me and my foot isn't too bad right now. my body rocks big time. at this rate i'll only need to take the drugs a couple times and can sell the surplus to a junkie. money...yea.

took a nap today and now i'm not sure why i'm awake. if i could i'd just go back to sleep for 12 hours.

three classes today and i have the same teacher in two of them...one 10 pager and one 15-20...great.

one class tomorrow.

it could be argued that people only do things with selfish motives...even helping others could be seen as doing it to make themselves feel better. take it or leave it. i don't think it's always true, but i haven't come up with many exceptions where this doesn't hold some truth, in general.

4-3-00 (00:55)

only one piece of news for today...i fucked up my foot in basketball today. jumped for a rebound and landed on some oaf's foot. i got the rebound. i heard a pop and now i can't walk on my right foot. i've iced it and kept it elevated. it hurts. at least it's not the ankle. according to monique it's probably not a break. who knows.

first day of school tomorrow, i've got 6 hours of class and 8 hours of being on campus. have to go into work to sign some papers. this sucks big time.

updated movies list.

4-2-00 (10:52)

well i woke up to the most fucked up dream in a long time. i was with phil and we had to kill a band of nips...vietnamese people, but i was calling them nips in the dream. he was hesitant to kill them, but i knew we had to because they had killed one of our friends. it pretty much sucked.

in less hefty news - it's going to be a scorcher today.

traded some cds with vern so my cd list grew a bit. i think i got the better part of the deal, but there's no need to argue...ha ha. if you knew which cds we traded that "joke" might make more sense. i even got to delete an mp3...fun stuff.

today's going to be long. i'll play basketball and finally watch all of streetcar named desire.

tomorrow i have class and my first day at work, but i think it's just to sign papers.

intent is a funny thing because it doesn't always matter, but should it? don't ask me, but at least i thought about it.

what's the best way to end a long relationship? quick like a band-aid? slowly hinting at it so they're prepared? quick, but with support afterwards?...there's no easy way, that's for sure. obviously this has nothing to do with any present dilemma of mine. ahhh, being single.

Gil Scott-Heron - The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.mp3...this is your LAST chance to get a great song...

in case you missed some of the last few days...last month's updates are here.

that should be about it.

4-2-00 (03:16 - after taking into account the daylight savings shiznit)

well johnny made a surprise visit. that's cool even if it's just for a day. we had fun despite our usual debates on the merits of certain sports, etc.

april fool's day has come and gone...whoop whoop.

grades came in and i did well enough to stay in school so that's good news. it's so frustrating when you study hours on end every day (just ask my roommates) and you still don't achieve as highly as you might wish. ahhh, being a slacker is great.

i have no care for grades whatsoever. no sure i ever really respected that whole system. any system that allows me to care two nights a quarter and still pass with B's isn't such a great system. if i wanted to become a doctor i'd be so screwed...multiple choice tests and all. man i'd eat it big time.

watched some quality PBS national geographic programming tonight...that was really good. animals are so damn cool. humans, white people in particular, absolutely suck ass. "fuck this world"

leonard nimoy reminds me of my grandfather.

i'm getting more bugs in my room...maybe it's the heat. it's getting warmer everyday now. man winter ended damn fast...summer is going to suck big time. my two biggest expenses will be gas and sunscreen, followed closely by gatorade or water. the summer could turn out to be a big time dud or it could rock...depends upon the bourgeoisie...uh, i mean jon.

i think gas prices will dip about 10 cents in the next two weeks, but then go up again after that...that's what i'm banking on anyway. i agree with johnny and vern that gas should be up around 3 bucks a gallon, but it needs to happen over a year, at least. oh and minimum wage needs to increase to 7 bucks/hour and taxes need to go up too. no one will ever win on a platform like that. dishonesty can be good.

the world offers such extremes...the beauty of life, the colors of nature, the rock formations in utah, etc. then, on the other side of the spectrum, is the human race - chain saws, 18 wheelers, industrialization, burned out inner cities, racism, hate, blah blah blah. then there's music and art and national geographic...and anything else the republicans want to cut funding for. ahhh, fuck this world.

heard ok computer by radiohead today...i liked the lyrics more than the actual music part, but that usually takes a while to grow accustomed to anyway. it's got potential. thom yorke either is mentally fucked or sees quite clearly...depending on where you stand.

i guess a lot of things depend on where you stand. to some the four or five monks who burned themselves in protest were just crazy. to others they were modern martyrs. whatever you do don't ask my retarded ex-roommate jordan. i don't think thich quang duc is white enough for jordan to think of him as a martyr.

well that's all for now...i've lost an hour of sleep and i must wake early tomorrow to bid johnny farewell. just think about things people. please just think. think about beauty. think about ugliness. think. don't think like me. don't think like this, don't think like that. just think; do your own thinking and i'll be happy. ahhh, thinking.

Thich Quang Duc
Saigon, Vietnam on June 11, 1963.
A protest against the American backed Ngo Dinh Diem.
This photo won the 1963 Pulitzer Prize and was on the cover of Time.